I don't want Paradise

(A fragment)

I know that the happiness of seeing beauty, of experiencing a connection with »history« - the sheer pleasure of travelling - is nothing but an expression of the longing for the wider, greater, brighter bliss of ineffable domains.

I know that the beauty of this world is a mere – and very pale, immeasurably pale – reflection of "What-is-to-come", of the great Beyond. But I am willing to settle for it. I am willing to forgo the highest bliss of the Whole for the bitter-sweet pleasure of the humble human Quest. To forever wander (and wonder) – as long as it is in the company of my loved ones, so be it.

I don't want Paradise. I want those glimpses of it, from among the thorns and out of the mud road, that make up our human happiness.

Lobotomy by any other name...

This just in...

The New York Times, November 27, 2009

(Follow the link above to access the article at its original location.)

Surgery for Mental Ills Offers Both Hope and Risk

By BENEDICT CAREY

One was a middle-aged man who refused to get into the shower. The other was a teenager who was afraid to get out.

The man, Leonard, a writer living outside Chicago, found himself completely unable to wash himself or brush his teeth. The teenager, Ross, growing up in a suburb of New York, had become so terrified of germs that he would regularly shower for seven hours. Each received a diagnosis of severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, or O.C.D., and for years neither felt comfortable enough to leave the house.

But leave they eventually did, traveling in desperation to a hospital in Rhode Island for an experimental brain operation in which four raisin-sized holes were burned deep in their brains.

Today, two years after surgery, Ross is 21 and in college. “It saved my life,” he said. “I really believe that.” The same cannot be said for Leonard, 67, who had surgery in 1995. “There was no change at all,” he said. “I still don’t leave the house.”

Both men asked that their last names not be used to protect their privacy. The great promise of neuroscience at the end of the last century was that it would revolutionize the treatment of psychiatric problems. But the first real application of advanced brain science is not novel at all. It is a precise, sophisticated version of an old and controversial approach: psychosurgery, in which doctors operate directly on the brain.

In the last decade or so, more than 500 people have undergone brain surgery for problems like depression, anxiety, Tourette’s syndrome, even obesity, most as a part of medical studies. The results have been encouraging, and this year, for the first time since frontal lobotomy fell into disrepute in the 1950s, the Food and Drug Administration approved one of the surgical techniques for some cases of O.C.D.

While no more than a few thousand people are impaired enough to meet the strict criteria for the surgery right now, millions more suffering from an array of severe conditions, from depression to obesity, could seek such operations as the techniques become less experimental.

But with that hope comes risk. For all the progress that has been made, some psychiatrists and medical ethicists say, doctors still do not know much about the circuits they are tampering with, and the results are unpredictable: some people improve, others feel little or nothing, and an unlucky few actually get worse. In this country, at least one patient was left unable to feed or care for herself after botched surgery.

Moreover, demand for the operations is so high that it could tempt less experienced surgeons to offer them, without the oversight or support of research institutions.

And if the operations are oversold as a kind of all-purpose cure for emotional problems — which they are not, doctors say — then the great promise could quickly feel like a betrayal.

“We have this idea — it’s almost a fetish — that progress is its own justification, that if something is promising, then how can we not rush to relieve suffering?” said Paul Root Wolpe, a medical ethicist at Emory University.

It was not so long ago, he noted, that doctors considered the frontal lobotomy a major advance — only to learn that the operation left thousands of patients with irreversible brain damage. Many promising medical ideas have run aground, Dr. Wolpe added, “and that’s why we have to move very cautiously.”

Dr. Darin D. Dougherty, director of the division of neurotherapeutics at Massachusetts General Hospital and an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard, put it more bluntly. Given the history of failed techniques, like frontal lobotomy, he said, “If this effort somehow goes wrong, it’ll shut down this approach for another hundred years.”

Read the rest of the article here.

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OK, so it's not lobotomy, technically speaking.
And no, we aren't luddite hippies here, nor are we afraid of modern science.
It's quite the opposite, actually: we are afraid of old-fashioned "science", which equates the mind with the brain and reduces mental processes to more or less complex interactions of chemicals.

In our opinion, "mental ills" do not originate in the plumbing of the brain, nor can they be resolved by tinkering with it - not even in cases when the procedure seems to have worked.

Fly towards a secret sky

Sometimes, a word or two is all you need - if it is the right word or two.
That is precisely the function of poetry.

And it doesn't matter who "said it first".
As long as you recognise that word, those words, as a true expression of your soul, that's what it is: a true expression of your soul. You said it first, if only to yourself.

The words above - just the word or two that I needed to ignite my fire tonight - I found here.

And the one who said them "first" was one of the greatest poets of all time: Rumi.

He may have lived eight hundred years ago, but what is eight hundred years - what is eight thousand years - in the face of the never-changing, forever yearning human soul?
He might as well have written these words eight days ago.

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
First, to let go of life.
In the end, to take a step without feet;
to regard this world as invisible,
and to disregard what appears to be the self.

Spam Lite: Idiot's delight

It is not often that I come face to face with the mail that my many secret admirers and long-time friends (including some pre-t-ty famous names!) in "Nigeria" and elsewhere keep sending me, in the hope of boring through my inhumane unresponsiveness.

But today I was rummaging through my spam pantry - hey, it's been a slow day - and found a beauty the likes of which I haven't seen in a long time. It has everything: mystery, suspense, international intrigue - and even a cryptic metaphysical insight into the nature of Time, which then leads to an astonishingly astute and thorough self-examination process by the recipient.

So, I am reproducing this gem of epistolary elegance in its entirety, for all the WWWorld to share and learn.


CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE UNITED
HEADQUARTER UNITED STATE OF AMERICA
..............................

.............................. ...........

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT IT HAS COME TO OUR NOTICE AND WE HAVE THOROUGHLY INVESTIGATED BY THE HELP OF OUR INTELLIGENCE MONITORING NETWORK SYSTEM THAT YOU ARE HAVING AN ILLEGAL TRANSACTION WITH IMPOSTORS CLAIMING TO BE PROF.CHARLES C. SOLUDO OF CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA,OFFICIALS OF OTHER BANKS IN NIGERIA AND LONDON UNITED KINGDOM INCLUDING CITIBANK HSBC BACLAYS BANK ETC,IMPOSTORS CLAIMING TO BE MINISTERS AND NIGERIA GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS.NOW STOP ALL THAT TRANSACTION IMMEDIATELY.

WE HAVE BEEN HAVING MEETINGS FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS, WHICH ENDED 2 DAYS AGO, WITH THE SECRETARY GENERAL OF UNITED NATIONS AND NIGERIA GOVERNMENT, TO AVOID SCAMS AND FRAUDULANT ACTIVITIES. THIS MAIL IS TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN SCAMMED IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, THIS INCLUDES ALL THE CONTRACTORS THAT MAY HAVE NOT RECEIVED THEIR DUE CONTRACT FUND, AND PEOPLE THAT HAVE HAD UNFINISHED TRANSACTION DUE TO ONE PROBLEM OR THE OTHER ETC. THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY [CIA] INCONJUCTION WITH UNITED NATIONS AND NIGERIA GOVERNMENT HAVE BROUGHT A SOLUTION TO END THIS PROBLEM. SINCE THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY [CIA] IS INVOLVED IN THIS TRANSACTION, BE REST ASSURED OF 100% RISK FREE BECAUSE IT IS OUR RIGHT TO PROTECT AMERICAN CITIZENS AND ALL THE WORLD.

RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ACCEPTED AFTER THE INVESTIGATIONS AND MEETINGS TO USE AFRI BANK NIGERIA PLC AS THE ONLY LEGITIMATE BANK FOR INHERITANCE /CONTRACT PAYMENT OF $3,000,000 ONLY THROUGH ATM SWIFT CARD , THIS IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION BY THE NEW ELECTED PRESIDENT ALHAJI UMAR MUSA YAR'ADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA .

BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, HERE IS A CODE OF CONDUCT,(ATM 1221) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE AFRI BANK ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTRE.THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN INTERSWITCH VISA CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECIEVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE IMMEDIATE CONTACT THE DIRECTOR AFRI BANK NIGERIA PLC,CARD PAYMENT CENTER, CONTACT PERSON,

MRS SHERRY FRANKLINE IGOR
TELL +234-808 6008480
EMAIL: atmcustomercareabplc@yahoo.no , urgentaddress@webmail.co.za

AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION:

1.PHONE AND FAX NUMBER,
2.ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD.
3.YOUR FULL NAME AND TOTAL AMOUNT OF YOUR FUND.
4.YOUR AGE AND OCCUPATION
5.A COPY OF YOUR ID CARD OR PASSPORT

REGARDS,
DAVID OLIVIER
C.I.A SPECIAL AGENT
CONTACT ME HERE IF YOU NEED ASSISTANCE
info00999999@centrum.cz
TEL/FAX: (262)-436-7459




What I find most reassuring of all is the apparent octopus-like presence of this C.I.A. around the world, judging by the country domains of the email addresses used by the officials who kindly watch over my monetary integrity and well-being. (And I am not even an American, mind you!)

Also, I have to admit, I was relieved to receive official word of mouth that the past six months ended two days ago, because sometimes I can get sidetracked in time/space. Then again, they probably knew that. (Duh!)
And notice how subtly, with supreme psychological finesse, they then proceed to test my perception of my own identity! (See the list of information items I am supposed to supply.) You don't get that sort - almost Zen-like in its approach - of holistic character-building for love or money! Well - maybe for money.

Speaking of which, I am thinking I might use the "code of conduct" number they supplied for me to play the lottery...

Make music!

If you've ever wished you could create music, but don't know how to read notes, I have good news for you: your prayers have been answered.
Well... almost.

INudge

It's much better than nothing.
And the web being what it is, this is probably - wink wink, nudge nudge - just the first step leading to a giant leap...

Gate-crashing the (under)world

"Happy he who has passed his whole life mid his own fields, he of whose birth and old age the same house is witness... For him the recurring seasons, not the consuls, mark the year; he knows autumn by his fruits and spring by her flowers."

Claudian, Carmina Minora (XX)*

Something mildly odd happened to me today.

I was supposed to meet a relative of mine in a small (very small) park we both know very well; in fact we had met there many times before. I told her exactly when I would be coming, and I did get there on time.

She wasn't there.
I wasn't surprised: she is usually late for our appointments - so much so that I don't consider her being late at all; if she happens to be on time, she's actually "early".
So I waited.
And waited. And waited.
(No, I did not have the cell phone with me; I don't believe relying on cell phones - or on anything, for that matter - is such a good idea.)

After half an hour I started to get alarmed: she is never that late. So I decided to give her a call from the one phone boot near the park.
As I was approaching the boot, I noticed it was, uncharacteristically, occupied.
It was her: she was calling me.

It turned out she had been waiting for me "more than half an hour !!" (in her parlance that would mean half an hour at most - apparently, this was one of those occasions when she had been "early", i.e. on time) in the very same area where I had been waiting for her.

"So she lied," you must be thinking.
Well... no.
First of all, she may be late for appointments, but a liar she is not.
Secondly, she mentioned a sight - another woman waiting at a very specific spot - that she could not have known of, unless she really was there at the same time as I. Now, that woman had left at least fifteen minutes before I decided to stop waiting and go make a phone call, so my relative would have had to be waiting for at least fifteen minutes in the same area where I was.

That park - actually, a children's playground with big trees - is very small; you can easily see from one side to the other, regardless of where you're standing; and around the time of our appointment it is usually completely deserted. Certainly I didn't notice anyone else while I was waiting there.

How is it possible, then, that we missed each other?

I cannot offer even a speculative answer. The whole thing just doesn't make sense.
But the really funny thing is that the same kind of "mis-missed" appointment happened to me once before, with another person, at a public fountain, where it is impossible to miss anyone standing nearby. And yet, we somehow managed to do just that. (I know for a fact she was there at the same time as I was, because she also happened to mention a specific - fleeting - sight that she could not have known about, unless she had been there... or unless she arranged a very elaborate scam, involving spies surreptitiously surveying the site of our appointment on her behalf and reporting to her, so that it would appear she had been there, when in fact she had not been... You decide which version makes more sense. ;)

The reason I am writing about this today is that the first "missed" appointment, five years ago, also happened on November 8th.

But the reason why I remember the date in the first place is as simple as it is difficult to explain.
Firstly, I am a date freak; I tend to remember dates, whether I want it or not.
Secondly, I always pay special attention to this date and the days surrounding it.

You see, in my experience, November 8th has always been somehow "shady" a date. I have no idea where this notion came from (possibly some early, insufficiently recorded memory), but what is interesting is that apparently the ancient Romans shared my opinion: November 8th, a dies religiosus, was (along with August 24th and October 5th) one of the three days of the year when the mundus (literally, the world), or "navel of the world", the gate that connects this world with the Underworld, was wide open - a day when the departed ones (some more dearly than others) were liable to come back and wreak havoc on the world they had left behind.**
In other words, a day with a potential for all hell to break loose.

But here's the really funny thing: remarkably often, "hell" did break loose on November 8th, give or take a day - at least on the level of visible history.

Many historians seem to agree that the qualification of any given day as religiosus or just plain unlucky (not the same thing) was probably due to some memorable disaster or other momentous event that had occurred on the same date in the past. (It would be more or less like marking September 11th as an "unlucky" day in remembrance of that date in 2001.)

I don't know what that ancient memorable event that marked November 8th and its "shadow" period (November 7th-9th) for posterity in the Roman culture would have been, but I can certainly think of a few momentous events in modern times that happened in the time frame between November 7th and November 9th:


* The "October" revolution of 1917, one of the most defining movements in modern history, started on November 7th, 1917. (October, according to the old Julian calendar used in Russia at the time.)

* The "Kristallnacht" took place on the night of November 9/10th, 1938.

* In a sudden development, the Berlin Wall was taken by storm and virtually annihilated on the night of November 9th, 1989.

(And you can find more if you care to google around.)


Now, all of this could be just a coincidence - of course. That goes without saying.

Do note, however, that they were all perceived as sudden irruptions of concerted force that rocked the very foundations of the established order - as if the energies that had been building in a specific time and place suddenly boiled over, bursting into the visible world as if streamlined through a shortcut channel from the underground to the surface of the World.

And if I add (only in my mind and memory, I am not going to write about it) a few other sudden disruptive - or just odd - events in my personal life that happened to happen on November 8/9th, I can't help but continue to wonder about the arcana of time-keeping - even at its most pedestrian...



* If you believe this quote has anything to do with the post itself, let me know.
I only included it because I like it.

:)


** "The twenty-fourth of August, the fifth of October and the eighth of November were termed dies religiosi. On these days the spirits of the dead (manes) were believed to issue forth into the upper world through the mundus--the name given to a trench or entrance to a vault in the city of Romulus which was believed to be the gate of hell. On these days, again, no public business might be undertaken, no battle fought, no army conscripted. This taboo is ascribable to the taboo on death and corpses." (E. E. Burris, Taboo, magic, spirits: a study of primitive elements in Roman religion, 1931.)
N. B. I am quoting this particular work - instead of many other available recent and classic studies - mainly because it's freely available on the web, so you could read it, in its entirety, right now, if you wish.

Enough with the fluff (1)

Here is an axiom that everyone has heard and many like to use to validate - or even flaunt - the pain they've been through, either real or perceived; to tinge their plight with a glow of would-be heroism - and meaning. (And why not? It's a valid attempt, a struggle noble enough.)

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER.

It might.
Sometimes it does.
But quite often the "strength" gained is no such thing: it is just a hardening of the heart, perhaps the loss of illusions, a loss of confidence in other people - sometimes in oneself, too: in oneself as the "lucky" individual one used to be, the one who always seemed to land on the feet.

And sometimes, the depletion of vital resources, the losses sustained are so great that one might as well be dead.

And by the way: the man who uttered these famous words ended his days in an insane asylum.

Before subscribing to any maxim, it's always wise to check the credentials of the one who "said it first".

Flickering flames of memory

In memory of memories.
Of everything loved and lost.